And then it hits you.

I would like to think I am a very non-emotional person.Ok, that's a lie. I use to cry every time I watched Oprah and Extreme Makeover Home Edition, but that's a happy cry and I can flip that switch anytime. Not that I lack emotions, but I like to keep them in check. At all times. Not just any emotions, but deep, sorrow, and heartache for my dad.  For some reason I have been lacking at keeping them at bay.  The past few days I have cried like a baby at the drop of a hat.  I guess the everyday activities and obligations make it harder for these emotions to surface. But today, well, they are right on the surface.  Have you ever been in the store and through tear filled eyes asked the employee where something was?  That was me today... at Michaels, when the employee asked me if I was ok, I couldn't even keep it together, I had to abandon my full shopping cart and barely made it out before the tears started rolling down my cheeks. Yup. A mess. Everytime I've been in the car the past few days and actually have a moment to myself, (cause let's be honest, with kids sometimes that's the only place it happens in the day) my chin starts to quiver.  I turn up the radio and try to sing but my beautiful voice starts to crack and then I feel my throat get tight and then it hits me.  BAM. I just want 5 minutes, just to talk to him, to hear his voice, and to look into his gentle eyes. I miss that so much.  It's hard to loose a loved one. And I know I'm not the first, or the last person in the world that his will happen to but today, today it's overwhelming and I just want to rewind the past 9 years and be able to see him.  Yes, I do believe I will see him again, but sometimes that makes it worse.... knowing I have to live my entire life before that happens.  It super sucks. I think it's silly that I'm even blogging about this but I feel like if I place it into the blogosphere and dust my thoughts off, so to speak,  I might be able to get it together.  Plus, it's my blog. So there. He makes it sting a little less though.....

Switching gears. My mom, sister, and girls are coming to Sin City on Thursday and it can't come soon enough. We have a "cousin countdown" hanging on our fridge and man, it's been torture for Jordan only getting to rip away one number at a time.  We have lots of fun stuff planned and are looking foward to making fun Easter memories.

Also, in case I didn't mention earlier (oh, I didn't tell you? Denial), I turned 29. Twenty nine. What? Where did time go??? This is how I wanted to feel turning 29: excited.  This is how I actually felt: nothing.  That's not true, I felt unaccomplished, anxious, and chubby.  More of the latter to be honest. I know we as women put a lot of pressure on ourself about the way we look.... the older I get the less concerned I am about what people think, but really when I see pictures of myself I just wanna gag. Egh.  I am going to make a conscious, extended effort to fix all three! Wish me luck! BTW did you notice I blogged twice in one week already?!? Record.

Sorry it's blurry, you think a tourist would have taking pictures down.... huh.

 Coming up next: what's trending in the Reece Casa.